MindVox Theoretical Macromolecular Modeling Bioinformatics Group, Inc.
Proudly Announces the Immediate Availability of:
Ibogaine Voodoo Dolls® (IVD’s)
Each custom-made, individually hand-crafted IVD, comes with its’ very own tiny little barf bucket (in case it experiences nausea).
At the beginning of your session, we will light a candle and immerse your IVD in Holy Water, to help prevent any hydration issues which might otherwise arise during the course of your visionary experience.
If you experience anxiety during your session, please let us know. Dr. Pookie will feed your IVD 4 sticks of Xanax and shake his Special Rattle around the computer screen.
This can be repeated as often as necessary in the event of any sleep disturbances which may develop post-ibogaine.
If you are nearing The End of your Healing Visions® and still have not found God, Salvation, or The Aliens; we will tie your IVD to a firecracker rocket, after writing EGO on the forehead with Rosemary Oil.
This will blast your IVD into outer space and cause the EGO to blow the fuck up (in a kind, nurturing, and loving way). The shrapnel of your IVD’s ego will rain down joy, happiness, and warm Christmasy feelings, faster than the US drops bombs on terrorist countries.
In the event that you are still experiencing mild withdrawal symptoms post-ibogaine — due to the fact that you didn’t follow instructions, purchased beat shit, were sprung as fuck prior to dosing; or your treatment provider is an idiot — just try to put your withdrawal under a pillow and forget about it.
If that doesn’t work out, Dr. Pookie can inject some heroin (the Special non-addictive kind that doesn’t cause tolerance or withdrawal) into your IVD as needed.
Arrangements can also be made to take your IVD to 12-Step meetings post-ibogaine. “Uhm, not for me! None of that was my fault, I just need the Mysterious Disease and matching White Chip accessories for my Ibogaine Voodoo Doll®! Thanks a bunch though!”